Making connection a priority
To thrive in our relationships we need to continually build our connection to one another and make this a intentioned priority. Whether with a romantic partner or a working team it is helpful to consider this mindfully, so below I have included 3 actions to spur ourselves forwards.
1.Plan 'being time'
While in early relationships the necessity to plan a date night for a new partner, or have initial introductions in a work team seem obvious - 'relational' time can often fall away later into personal or working relationships. A first focus in the therapy room can be diarising 'being time' to build general curiosity and a 're-meeting' with one another -when not in the therapy room!
Looking to your diary to plan 'relational space' can come in many time scales, but it is helpful to consider making rituals and habits- be it daily check ins, weekly evenings out or bi-weekly events. Part of therapy works through continuity, as making time regularly aligns one's focus. By having time circled there forms a security and trust in the alignment to intentionally prioritise connection.
2.Gain a directional understanding / set your intentions of connection
Simon Sinek considers the role to 'start with why' in a business plan. It's helpful to consider ones unique why(s) of connection, with whomever we are connecting, to build momentum.
Visualising forward, reminiscing back, taking attention to the present breath what hopes are held for increased connection?
Is there a hope for more play and joy?
Is there a desired focus shared e.g. toward parenting or a project?
Create a mission focus for what connection will support in building the wider quality of our lives.
3.Reflect on your language/s of connection
Moving from planning space, to understanding your why, planning a how to connect may look different for each partner -or team member. The concept of love languages is known by many individuals already. Chapman proposes 5 ways we connect- through gifts, touch, affirmation, acts of service and quality time.( What are The 5 Love Languages?) These have also been reviewed in a neurodivergent frame to consider what connection may mean. (Find a helpful article here - https://www.bolde.com/the-5-neurodivergent-love-languages-and-what-they-mean/)
For each language reflect how important the language may be to you and for another (Hint: often what we are offered by another is their way of feeling loved in turn) and then optimise (which may mean swapping what we offer and getting clearer on naming our own needs).
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